Foreign in America and foreign in China - doomed to being an everlasting foreigner

"Citizens by birth, they [Chinese Americans] had attended American schools, and many have even graduated from college. As citizens, they expected to have greater opportunities available to them. But increasingly they became aware of the racial barriers errected against them and they woke up from "an illusion." Many felt disappointed and plunged into "emotional disturbance." Some found "satisfaction in returning to their own group," insisting they were "very proud to belong to the Chinese race." Many decided they should struggle for their rights as citizens, while others gave up their hopes of becoming full and equal citizens. All of them felt they were "strangers." "

"Chinese in America had realized for a long time how their situation here was tied to developments in China. The very political weakness of the Chinese government conditioned their treatment here and influenced the anti-Chiense immigration policies of the U.S. government."

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Time for class, more thoughts on this later.

You can just feel it inching up

Yep, that's right, back to my usual poker post. Today was the first day in like two weeks that I actually had some time to play. The more I think about poker, the more I realize that poker is not about talent, although Negreanu makes a very good case for it. Poker is about discipline. I truly believe anybody can be a profitable player. I think almost ANYONE can make at least $20-30 dollars an hour playing poker. The thing about poker that is different from other ventures, businesses, or sports is that you can select your own opponents and play them for money (esp w/ the help of internet poker). You don't have to match up against experts, experienced pros, or talented geniuses. You can match up against regular joes who are slightly or much worse than you and pull a profit on a consistent basis. Why play poker? Reason no.1: With good game selection, there's a lot of money up for grabs. And I like Doyle's argument, somebody's got to have the money in the pot, why not me?!

(Now this does not mean I think anybody can beat high stakes cash games or win the World Series of Poker with just discipline. While you can be profitable with strong discipline, to win high stakes poker or the WSOP requires many sets of skills and talent is definately, in my opinion, a prerequisite.)

With this theme in mind, I've begun to mold myself as a Sit N' Go specialist. It's a game that, at least for me, I do quite good at and rarely steam/tilt. Steaming and tilt is the opposite of discipline and I'm glad to have it eliminated from my game. It is also a game that is all about patience and folding. I use to play mostly short handed games which is about reading ability and aggression than it is about folding. Now I'm working on my biggest weakness in poker and in life - patience. And SNG survival is all about patience.

Some jibberish

Okay, I have a confession. I don't really know what to write about right now. I just decided to write something. I have that weird feeling inside of me that compels me to express SOMETHING, even if it really is NOTHING.

I'm home right now and I always miss home and my mom, family, and so forth. But for some reason, I also miss Berkeley in a small way. I don't miss my tiny bed,but I do miss having lots of people to play tennis with. There's no one here that plays tennis!

I had brunch/lunch with Diana and Tony today. For the most part at Berkeley, I think about Berkeley people. The same ones that I encounter everyday - in and out. But coming back today and having lunch with them and just random talking, I realize I really do miss these guys. Each one still the same as always.

I also really look forward to seeing my cousins tomorrow. I really really miss them. I use to talk to them at least once a week. I'd announce and attempt to rationally defend all sorts of immature and childish theories I have on life while they patiently listened and laughed. In a life zone just ahead of me, they had a decade of experience and wisdom of which I could borrow from whether it be about school, girls, work, or the general stuff of life.

I have a SECOND confession. I haven't been playing poker as fiendishly as I should be. Starting this coming Monday, I decided I'm going to put in a solid week of solid poker. I've been playing tennis like a madman. I think the theme of my life right now is tennis. A ball, a racket, and a court - the necessities of my life.

So tomorrow, I've lunch with my mom - one on one. I've much to update her even though I talk to her on the phone nearly everyday. Then tomorrow night, I've a BBQ with my cousins. I get to see what they are all up 2. And lily- shes getting married - my beautiful cousin!

Sunday. I intend to have lunch w/ a friend. In the afternoon, I've scheduled tennis with an old tennis buddy. Sunday night, relax, MAYBE study (though i doubt it). Monday morning I fly back and get back into class and poker.

Stress Build-up

I've been studying a relatively healthy amount for my exam on Wed. until I found out I actually have TWO exams. I realy really thought I only had one, I dont know how this happend. It's really quite funny for now, but I can feel the stress lurking in the courner of my mind. Dont you just hate that feeling?

I haven't had breakfast in a long time

It's always a pleasant thing.

Forget class and sleep in

Sometimes when the alarm clock goes off in the wee hours of the morning, I can't help but think, would it really be such a big deal if I just slept in? To justify my need for extra sleep, I would think of all sorts of rationalizations. I would think, what are the chances that my professor is going to say something to today that isn't already written in a book somewhere? Why get up to hear him say stuff I can read in a book? Of course, the truth is, although most of what our professor's teach are written somewhere, it's still quite an effort to go find that book. As for professors that teach directly from the textbook they assign (I think they're totally lame), I rarely bother to go to lecture. I think there's little difference between reading them on blacklightning or reading a more efficient version of what they are saying in the textbook. The only real difference is that in person, you can ask probing questions, clarifying questions, or other general questions. But the thing is, you're not really suppose to ask questions in lecture. Those questions are suppose to be saved for discussion section.

Now consider another point, when you don't get enough sleep the night before, the effects of drowsiness and reduced concentration are felt immediately and throughout the next 16 waking hours. Some would even argue that it is dangerous to go a full day w/o sleep. When you don't attend lecture, do you feel any immediate negative effects? What about positive effects from attending lecture? Do you feel smarter, wiser, or find any sudden insights? There's really no immediate negative effects or immediate positive effects afterall, everyone knows that learning is a process. If that's the case, then I argue you should just stay in to sleep because learning is a process, but sleeping is the prerequisite. I mean they minus well write it onto the prequisites list because everyone knows that w/o a good nights sleep nobody can concentrate. I propose they write, "No learning allowed unless you fulfilled the below prerequisites: attend 8-10+ hours in your bed with you eyes closed while keeping your breathing steady and your body completely and utterly still while letting darkness swallow your consciousness. Repeat every 16-24 hours."

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Check out this New Yorker article about the Ivy League Admissions and what it means to be an Ivy Leaguer... http://www.newyorker.com/critics/atlarge/articles/051010crat_atlarge