Newer Bigger Better?

My mom suddenly bought me a new widescreen television. The TV is huge and really nice. She went out and bought it without ever even telling me. If she had told me, I would have told her not to buy it. I was perfectly okay with my current old TV. It wasn't spectacular but it served its purpose. I rarely watch cable anyway, and I watch a lot of DVDs. It really felt like an unneccessary spending of money. It makes me wonder why she bought it in the first place...

I suspect that she misses me so much that she really wanted to buy something nice for me. She really wants me to enjoy my time at home so I stay here. I think all those stories of how all my college friends @ UC Berkeley stayed at berkeley made her scared that I might decide to do the same. TV or no TV, I love her all the same. Why she has to go buy this huge ass TV... it looks awkwardly big to me still.

Setting goals moving forward but lacking patience

My performance as of late in poker has been to say the least disappointing. I always believed that accurately describing the situation makes it easier to prescribe the correct solution. I got where I got by reading dozens of books and then playing often. But the way I've been playing is not reflected in the insights I learned from the books. Often I think of the textbook move, but I never make it. I think of some other creative way thats riskier with greater reward. Sometimes its brillantly successful, other times its pathetically stupid. This is just too much of a hit or miss strategy.

target="_blank">

I've decided that I'll have to go back to the discipline tight solid style. My ability to read a person's hand based on their betting patterns has improved yet I'm struggling to do better. It's really my fault. My blind ambition coupled with my belief that I shouldn't have to put in my dues. Ambition or stupidity, I try to play at levels higher than I have the resources for making the swings unbearable to my bankroll. In addition to that, I have an irratonal belief that I don't need to put in the grunt work to get the reward. I don't want to start on the bottom. Nobody wants to, but its true, its neccessary. You simply can't sprint up to a ladder and try to jump past the first couple of steps. All you will do is knock down the ladder.

I decided that I'll go back to play small limit tournaments to build my game, my dicipline, and finally my confidence. I'm tempted to buy the Wilson Turbo Poker program, but I'll hold off on that until my decision to try the tournament style works out.

My successes and failures have really taught me about my own weaknesses. It seems it takes some sort of big punch in the face for me to motivate myself to extreme work. After failure, its when I either give up or begin to work the hardest. I think of tennis when I was rejected from the AHS tennis team my freshman year. I got so motivated and slaved myself to death in tennis playing 3-4 hrs a day. Then I became one of the best on JV to easily move on to Varsity the following year. To say the least, it would have been much easier to work hard early and not have to slave yourself. Getting good grades in school was the same. I killed myself in HS not doing any work that I considered "grunt work" or "slave" work. Work such as coloring maps, repetition, or assignments that required no thinking or critical ability I simply didn't do. I wrote my essays, read my books, but didn't do the easy work. Not getting into Berkeley the first time was a ego downer. After that I added on the units, and slaved myself to death at PCC getting perfect grades. Not only that, I tried to slave myself to death in half the time. Now I've gotten myself into berkeley in half the time and saving over $40000. But, this way was so much more painful and grueling. To say the least, poker will be the same - it'll take patience - the one thing I'm most lacking.

Spider-Man 2 teaches life lessons

Best friend: "She's waiting for you, pal. The way she looks at you or doesn't look at you. However you want to look at it." (referencing Mary Jane)

Spider-man: "I don't have time for girls right now."

Best friend: "Why, are you dead?"

Spider-man 2 establishes Peter in a very frustrating position. First, he is already working double jobs and both of his bosses are threatening to fire him. Add to the fact that he is desperately in debt and his aunt's house is about to be foreclosed. In addition to that, he's a brilliant college student with steadily declining grades, a late paper to do, and professor's that look at him with embarassment and pity. Worse of all, a beautiful girl loves him, but his strong sense of responsibility prevents him from doing what his heart wants him to do. His "best friend" says, "Why, are you dead?" I can feel the heat and frustration from Peter's situation, and to give up girls, I think he has in fact died. So engrossed by all his responsibilities Peter doesn't have time to be alive anymore. And if all of this wasn't enough (I know many college students who already do all of this plus a bit more), Peter also has a job as Spider-man. As spider-man, he does the job of an FBI agent, police officer, and neighborhood watch all rolled into one.

Would I take his life in exchange for his spidey sense, wall climbing ability, and slick web swinging action? Probably not. Dr. Otto said it best, "Love should never be a secret. If you keep something as complicated as love stored up inside... gonna make you sick." Funny thing is, Peter does start getting sick. Finally, after he sees the love of his life get engaged to another man, he really starts losing his powers and confidence. Basically, he goes impotent and chooses to give up being spider-man.

His life gets better temporarily. He even goes to class on time and his professor acknowledges his improvement. Peter shows up to MJ's play on time too. As Peter said, "I shine my shoes, I pressed my pants, and I do my homework now." Though Peter is different, he still has much of the same problems. Though he does better at school, Peter still doesn't get the girl. He still struggles with his responsibilities. He still feels guilty about what had happen to his Uncle Ben. The magic of Spider-man2 is that Peter Parker is a real person that you can relate to. A real person with real world problems. Peter isn't some far off superhero that nobody can understand.

So lies his dilemma. Following his heart or doing the right thing...

The movie's point is summed up with what Aunt May says to Peter Parker,

"...kids like Henry need a hero, couragious self sacrificing people setting an example for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. Years later they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one that taught them how to hold on just a second longer. I beleive theres a hero in all of us - that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most even our dreams."

Though I see Aunt May's underlying point, I don't think that people should have to give up their dreams. Your dreams are what you live for. Despite reality and despite all the circumstances that hold us back, our dreams are what keep us pushing forward. And when the movies comes full circle, Mary Jane tells Peter, "Its wrong that we should only be half alive - half of ourselves." Balancing our circumstances while keep our eye our dreams is what real people do everyday. I can think of several people who do this on a daily basis. One example is my big. Balancing her own set a problems, shouldering her family responsibilities, all while actively pursuing her own dreams (and not to mention spoiling her little all semester). I'm so proud of her too!

My parents are another example. Their my heros that allow me the freedom to study at school, or pursue whatever career goal i wish. They grant me a security net so that I can stand up and walk on my own and know that if I stumble or fall they'll catch me everytime until, one day, I won't need a net, and I'll be the net. They love me no matter what.

Would I take Peter's life in exchange for his spidey sense, wall climbing ability, and slick web swinging action AND I also got the girl? Maybe if I also got an unlimited fund to play poker. But I ask for too much.

Conversion Points

You know in the movies when you watch the good guy fight the bad guy and the bad guy gets to a point where he is just about to kill the good guy but instead he hesitates? Or when the good guy can kill the bad guy but lets him go and then years later he has to deal with the bad guy again? Or when you're watching a movie and you see the girl and the guy's mouth inches away but someone interrupts them?

Finishing off the point. Sealing the deal, etc. etc. Well, I have a dozen or so stories of failed conversion points. Everything falls into place and all i have to do is pull her in and land the kiss. It's like I fly the plane perfectly from LA to Taipei and then I can't land the plane. I just keep flying around the airport in hope the ground will land itself on my wheels. It's like setting up the point in tennis and then missing the easy overhead by slamming it into the net.

It's unforgivable, and I dwell on it the most when I fail to convert my opportunities. What are conversion points/opportunities? It's when your desire for her coincides with a moment where the only reasonable thing to do is to kiss her. So if you don't actually want to kiss them and the oppourtunity presents itself, thats not considered a conversion point. It only counts if you get the oppourtunity and want it, but you don't kiss them. Getting opportunities can be hard work, and some guys never even get them. Sadly, telling yourself not to screw up only makes it harder to be the suave gentleman that makes just the right move at just the right time.