Setting goals moving forward but lacking patience

My performance as of late in poker has been to say the least disappointing. I always believed that accurately describing the situation makes it easier to prescribe the correct solution. I got where I got by reading dozens of books and then playing often. But the way I've been playing is not reflected in the insights I learned from the books. Often I think of the textbook move, but I never make it. I think of some other creative way thats riskier with greater reward. Sometimes its brillantly successful, other times its pathetically stupid. This is just too much of a hit or miss strategy.

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I've decided that I'll have to go back to the discipline tight solid style. My ability to read a person's hand based on their betting patterns has improved yet I'm struggling to do better. It's really my fault. My blind ambition coupled with my belief that I shouldn't have to put in my dues. Ambition or stupidity, I try to play at levels higher than I have the resources for making the swings unbearable to my bankroll. In addition to that, I have an irratonal belief that I don't need to put in the grunt work to get the reward. I don't want to start on the bottom. Nobody wants to, but its true, its neccessary. You simply can't sprint up to a ladder and try to jump past the first couple of steps. All you will do is knock down the ladder.

I decided that I'll go back to play small limit tournaments to build my game, my dicipline, and finally my confidence. I'm tempted to buy the Wilson Turbo Poker program, but I'll hold off on that until my decision to try the tournament style works out.

My successes and failures have really taught me about my own weaknesses. It seems it takes some sort of big punch in the face for me to motivate myself to extreme work. After failure, its when I either give up or begin to work the hardest. I think of tennis when I was rejected from the AHS tennis team my freshman year. I got so motivated and slaved myself to death in tennis playing 3-4 hrs a day. Then I became one of the best on JV to easily move on to Varsity the following year. To say the least, it would have been much easier to work hard early and not have to slave yourself. Getting good grades in school was the same. I killed myself in HS not doing any work that I considered "grunt work" or "slave" work. Work such as coloring maps, repetition, or assignments that required no thinking or critical ability I simply didn't do. I wrote my essays, read my books, but didn't do the easy work. Not getting into Berkeley the first time was a ego downer. After that I added on the units, and slaved myself to death at PCC getting perfect grades. Not only that, I tried to slave myself to death in half the time. Now I've gotten myself into berkeley in half the time and saving over $40000. But, this way was so much more painful and grueling. To say the least, poker will be the same - it'll take patience - the one thing I'm most lacking.